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Best Tips to Prevent Boredom From Destroying Your Marriage/Relationship

Are you bored with your relationship? Anyone who has been in a relationship for any length of time can easily find himself or herself bored and in a rut. This is not an unusual problem for many couples.

Going to the same restaurant every Saturday. Having the same conversation every evening. It’s enough to leave you yearning for some excitement!

Dangers of Boredom

Becoming bored with your relationship is a very dangerous thing.

Approximately 25% of respondents in a recent survey by Good in Bed said boredom within their relationship contributed to infidelity. Click here to read more about this survey.

As common sense would suggest, the longer you are in a relationship, the more likely you are to get bored with it.

Normal life cycle events such as living together, getting married and having kids all contribute to the development of boredom in your relationship.

4 Easy & Proven Strategies to Cure Boredom in Your Relationship

I’ve used the following 4 easy and proven strategies with my clients to prevent boredom from destroying their relationship – (and it also helped re-kindle romance and happiness for them too)!

1. Initiate new activities/hobbies you can do together. Research has consistently shown that learning new things together as a couple increases

Some Beliefs That Will Kill Your Relationship

We learn about relationships from our parents (who are more likely to be divorced than together), from the media (where Prince Charming originated via Fables comic book), and from what people show us of their own relationships (Facebook vacation pics, anyone?).

This less-than-scientific process of cobbling together relationship theory then creates our belief system of what good relationships look like and what we should expect from our partners. It’s not exactly an ideal breeding ground for relationship success. Below is a list of eleven common beliefs that will, at best, set you up for disappointment, and more likely will result in your relationship hitting a wall.

1. Good relationships shouldn’t require work. Good relationships are the hardest work imaginable – mostly because they require us to work on ourselves. You can’t be a fucked up individual in a good relationship and, well, healthy individuals aren’t in fucked up relationships.

2. Fighting is a sign of a bad relationship. Fighting is a sign of a normal relationship where neither partner has well-developed conflict resolution skills. Every healthy couple has disagreements. The idea, however, is to express and resolve disagreements in a way that promotes understanding. Couples that are afraid to express differences of opinion

Tips To Make Your Narcissistic Partner To Listen To You

Narcissists are known for being highly skilled at sabotaging their partner’s attempts at open, loving communication, which can cause devastating distance and chronic conflict between partners.

It’s wildly frustrating for most significant others of narcissists to feel valued and to get their emotional needs met in the relationship.

In the spirit of our groundbreaking Healthy Narcissism Month at Techealthiest, here’s a quick and powerful strategy for getting through to your narcissistic partner.

Please note that if you’re not sure about whether you or your partner show signs of narcissism, please take a look at my last post on narcissism in which I identified 9 Signs You’re in a Relationship with a Raging Narcissist.

The game plan: The goal is to combine two powerful messages into one potent relationship intervention.

Why is a savvy intervention needed when you’re in a relationship with a narcissist?

Because the significant others of narcissists often complain that the narcissist has super-effective tactics for shutting down any difference of opinion. They report feeling afraid of the narcissist’s anger. They learn to feel like it’s not worth it to challenge the narcissist because of how dirty the narcissist fights.

Most problems get flipped so that the partner of the narcissist is convinced that he

Top Principles To Help You Become A Power Couple

When we first fall in love, sparks are in the air! An incredible fireworks that only two people get to see. But many wonder, how do you keep it going when the fireworks vanish, when fights, trials and tests come your way? Well, we believe practicing these 4 principles can help you become a power couple and overcome the ordeals of life!

Principle 1: Have a Couple’s Vision

Couples with no compelling, aspirational and clear visions don’t tend to last. Of course you and us know several “unions” that have gone on for decades without any such thing. They’ve stuck (the verb seems appropriate here…) together in spite of passion, respect or love, for financial reasons, the kids or something else…

“Power Couples” all have a compelling, aspirational and clear vision of what they intend to aim for together. That’s what makes them stronger, inspire them to move forward and guard them against futile arguments that can turn into unproductive fights. Once you crystallized your vision, it will serve many purposes but the primary one will be to help you remember “why” you are together at the first place.

Principle 2: Taboo Talks

We all have taboos as individuals, stuff that we want to keep

Best Ways To Get People To Take You More Seriously

Do you ever feel like nobody takes you seriously at work? If so, you’re not alone. More than 50% of people don’t feel respected at work, according to a global survey of more than 20,000 employees by the Harvard Business Review.

Maybe colleagues ignore your input in meetings. Perhaps they interrupt you or don’t include you in important decisions. It’s easy to blame that on a bad boss or a toxic work environment. In some cases, that’s even true. But if you really want to be taken more seriously at work, you should start by looking in the mirror and doing what you can to increase your influence.

If you want to know how you come across to others, you can learn a lot by taking an emotional intelligence test. Other than that, there are eight things you can do right now to increase your credibility, get people to take you more seriously, and ensure you get treated with the respect you deserve.

1. Don’t let your statements sound like questions. One of the most common things people do to undermine their credibility is end their sentences on a higher inflection than where they started. It’s called “upspeak,” and our brains are trained

Know That The Labor Is Your Love

An unofficial sign of the end of summer, Labor Day, was conceived to acknowledge the contributions and achievements of American workers.  This impresses me as a good time to recognize some otherwise unsung laborers: the approximately 15 million unpaid caretakers (primarily family members) of individuals with Alzheimer’s disease (AD)1.  But rather than focus on drudgery, and the well-documented burdens of caretaking, I want to concentrate on the blessings that issue from in-home care of loved ones.

In addition to advantages such as maintaining the comfort and routines of the person afflicted with AD, the provision of care for a declining loved one allows for the deepest expressions of love and grace by caretakers.  To have warm thoughts and feelings, and to verbally express them, is good.  But the message is more powerful still when positive sentiments are put into action.  It really is more impressive to show a sermon than to say one.  When family members are there for individuals with AD they are not just doing their duty, they are enacting powerful virtues—devotion, compassion, respect—the things that enrich life and give it real purpose.

With advanced dementing disorders a person can be physically present and yet

What is The People Pleasers Need to Remember

People pleasers come in many forms. I’ve met business leaders who lost sleep because they were terrified of confrontation and I’ve seen parents struggle to maintain order in their homes because they didn’t want their kids to be mad at them.

Their reasons for trying to make people happy vary. For some, it’s a learned behavior that originates in childhood. For others, the attempt to make everyone happy stems from the desire to be polite.

If you tend to say yes to things that you don’t want to do, or you avoid speaking up because you don’t want to upset anyone, here are five things you should remember:

1. You aren’t responsible for other people’s emotions.

Whether you tend to do everything your partner wants, or you strive to make your co-workers like you, your people-pleasing efforts mean you’re taking on too much responsibility. Everyone is in charge of his or her own emotions—and you can’t make anyone feel happy.

It’s up to other people to cope with uncomfortable feelings like disappointment or anger. It’s not your job to protect them from those things.

2. People pleasers are easily manipulated.

You can often spot a

Separated but Not Yet Divorced

This is one of the most common dilemmas my patients have brought to me over the past four decades. Though there are multiple variations on the theme, there is one way in which they all are similar: two women are in a competitive triangle with the same man.

Triangles are stable when all three legs are connected. What that means in a three-way relationship is that each day is securely connected. A floppy relationship triangle exists when the man in question is at the apex of that triangle and the two women are represented by the other two points. Each woman is connected to the man but they are not usually connected to each other.

There are many ways that can happen. The gamut can run from two women who have known one another in the past, even possibly friends, to total strangers who are now connected to each other only by being attached in some way to the same man. Floppy relationship triangles are essentially unstable and the outcomes are not only unpredictable, but often dire.

There are many factors that can affect these triangulated relationships, and how they are combined can affect the outcome

What is the kid think of marriage

Did you know that there are websites these days where people can go online and choose a partner to have (and raise) a child with? Sites like Modamily.com and Pollentree.com.  Some call it Parent Partnering.

If you’re like me, you may feel utter shock and maybe even a bit of disdain about the idea, but once I investigated, it actually made good sense.

As it is now, we normally search for a mate to fall in love and start a family with.

The problem with picking someone based on an emotion is emotions change. What happens when the love goes away? The whole family is at risk for becoming disrupted.

When it comes to having children, those who pair based on love often have no idea—and no criteria—as to what the other person brings to the table regarding parenting skills. Alain de Botton writes about the silliness of this in his novel, The Course of Love. His belief is that basing marriage on a feeling or even an intuitive sense is no smarter than trying to fly a 747 based on intuition. And, he says, this is why we so often marry the wrong person.

Criticism and Avoidance Tips

For sure, sadly, there are a lot of walking wounded out there! By “walking wounded,” I mean the tons of people who feel unfulfilled, or worse, emotionally neglected or abused, in their intimate relationships. It seems that everywhere we turn, we unfortunately see and hear about people who are unhappy and emotionally hurting, often severely, in their quest to feel loved. Most of these unfortunate couples fall prey to relationship toxicity overload.

Here are what I consider the top three signs of toxic relationships:

1. Criticism and contempt. According to Dr. John Gottman, criticism and contempt are highly destructive in loving relationships. Signs of criticism and contempt may appear as your partner distastefully making fun of you. One female client of mine would tell her husband he was sexually inadequate in response to him criticizing her excessive spending habits. Quite a toxic mess, for sure! Contempt can also appear as one partner criticizing another in public. Acting superior also conveys a contemptuously, toxic message. To experience the one you love, or once loved, ripping you with incessant fault-finding barrages is highly demoralizing and emotionally unhealthy.

2. Avoidance. Do silent treatment fueled arctic winds whip off her shoulder and knock

Why You Should Tell Your Partner Everything

There are a number of components involved in co-creating a highly successful partnership, not the least of which is tobecome consistently emotionally intimate. The process always begins with the self: When we periodically step out of our busy lives to take a reflective pause and see what is occurring in our body, mind, and emotions, we can find the words to describe our feelings and needs. Once we have told ourselves the truth, then we are challenged to dare to risk revealing whatever is there to our partner.

Communicating fully and openly, without withholding, is a key to successful relationships. And yet, many people operate from a commitment to conceal that which they fear could reflect negatively on them. As a result, they tend to be discriminating about what they chose to share about themselves, and what they chose to withhold, even with the people with whom they are closest. This practice of concealment can foster feelings of mistrust, inhibit spontaneity, and diminish feelings of intimacy.

So many of us have had negative experiences revealing our feelings and needs. We have been shamed and blamed for feeling the way we do. Those of us who attempted to be authentic were

What is The Narrative of Life

Sometimes I get tired and frustrated writing these blogs about the wonderful world of psychiatry. I do it because it has become urgent to do so. I much prefer to sit in my office with my patients doing the real work. It is such an honor to delve into the mystery with each individual, and find our way to face and deal with the pains of life together. The mystery of therapy proceeds through the special profound relationship between us. Without heart there is no therapy. Only through caring and trust can the explorations be real and transformative. No matter what, whether it’s sadness, anger, emptiness, feelings, no feeling, sexual fantasies, cruel thoughts, pain, obsession, closeness, distance, softness, emptiness, fears, hardness, or tenderness—there is an air of acceptance and safety. Trust does not come easily. It has to be earned and tested.

Every story is unique. But the path always leads back to one’s Authentic Being. Love is the sustenance, and authenticity is the fountain of our aliveness.

Yes we are talking about psychiatry here. All of psychiatry flows from damage to our plays of consciousness. This damage comes from trauma, abuse and deprivation, in our formative years.

Marriage tips more long life

This is the first of a two-part blog on how we may unwittingly enable our spouses to be either too responsible, or under-responsible. In Part I, I will focus on how over-responsible spouses play a direct role in allowing their partners to do less, while burdening themselves. In Part II, I will examine the ways in which less responsible spouses put over-responsible mates to work, and the developmental price they pay for their irresponsibility.

It’s alarmingly common to be presented in marital therapy with an over-responsible mate married to an under-responsible one. It’s a dynamic similar too Sager and Hunt’s (1979) parental-childlike relationship. Over-responsible partners are easy to spot. After all, they’ve initiated the therapy. The under-responsible may request treatment but usually under duress from the over-responsible. The over-responsible have a tendency to readself-help books and relentlessly cajole the under-responsible to do the same…which rarely works. The over-responsible aren’t always the bread winners, but many are. They tend to initiate sex…and just about everything else. The over-responsible almost always appear exhausted and exasperated in treatment; by the time they get to my office they are fed up and threatening separation or divorce.

The over-responsible have plenty

Sexually Attracted to Me

My son is 11-years-old. He has been talking about sex a lot. Also I have noticed that he has erections a lot. He came to me confused because he was masturbating and said something came out. He also confessed that one time he was thinking about me while doing it. Tonight he said he wants to have sex with me. I didn’t say anything. I just asked him to leave my room. His father lives in Florida. He is not has active in his life as he should be and he does not feel comfortable talking to him about these things. I don’t know what to do. I also don’t know what to say to him.

A Distressed Mother

Dear Mother,

Congratulations. Your son is now going through puberty and sounds very confused by the process. Interestingly, I get many letters from parents who are scared and confused when their sons express sexual attraction to them. It is not uncommon but it must be addressed. Please let your son know that while he may have an attraction toward you sex with you is inappropriate and will never happen. Let him know

Loving Thoughts Tips

Over the years, I have shared several influence and persuasion techniques that can help individuals in romantic relationships. For example, we have discussed how touch can be persuasiveand attractive, as well as how a small request can make a potential partner more agreeable to a date. Further, we have explored techniques to tap into a lover’s existing motivations overall and guide them to your way of thinking.

Deep down, however, all of these techniques work because they change how other people feel. Some techniques help others to see you as more attractive, feel more committed to you, or even be more grateful for your efforts. Nevertheless, each technique ultimately helps to build some type of loving and attracted feelings within a relationship.

Given all that, I wondered whether simply getting a partner to think about love and loving feelings in general would have some kind of persuasive effect. For example, does playing a romantic song really make a potential partner more agreeable? Can reminding your spouse of a past time of intense romance get them to do a favor for you today? In short, can an appeal or reminder of love really get others to do what

Boost your Physical Attractiveness Tips

Advice abounds for how to make yourself appear more attractive; you can ensure that you are well-groomed, smile at others, display a good sense of humor, apply makeup, or drive an expensive car (Buss,1998). But have you considered some more unusual ways to make yourself look or feel more attractive? Before using these techniques you should be aware that what makes you feel more attractive may actually make others see you as less appealing.

Take a Selfie, But Don’t Post It

Do you take a lot of selfies? How do you like the way you look in selfies versus photos that another person has taken of you? Interestingly, people tend to rate their selfies as more attractive than similar photographs taken by another individual, especially if they take selfies regularly (Re et al., 2016). However, this same research also reveals that selfies only make you more attractive to yourself. Other individuals consistently rate photographs taken by someone else as more attractive than selfies.  So take a selfie if it makes you feel good about yourself, but consider sharing photographs taken by someone else if you want to appear more attractive to others.

Have a Drink,